project runway . . . my fist live blog (republished here)

Some of you may know . . . I LOVE, LOVE this show. It's kind of like "Project Runway and Laggin sitting in a tree . . . " You get the picture. Love the show.

This is a competition among fashion designers. They get a challenge each week. At the end of the show, one person is kicked off with an ostentatious air kiss and an "auf wiedersehen" from Heidi Klum.

Last week they made clothes from stuff they grabbed during a free-for-all in the Hershey’s store in Time Square. I figured that everything would be a joke. How good can clothes made from candy wrappers look? Boy was I wrong. There was some fabulous stuff. There was a dress made from the inside paper of Reese's Peanut Butter cups!

So I decided to have a beer (or two) tonight (err . . . by the time I posted this . . . LAST night) and blog this sucker! Without further ado:

We first see the designers waiting for their models. The models are usually the skinny-amazonian type--6 feet, 100 pounds--totally anorexic. (There are some particularly unhealthy looking girls this season.) But instead of the finger-down-the-throat crowd, in traipse teeny-boppers complete with Catholic school-girl uniforms—white polos, tan skirts and white knee socks! And, horrors, comment the designers, “They are SHORT!”

Christian is one of the designers, I personally think of him as the androgynous designer. (He made the PB Cup dress.) I swear it took me two shows to figure out he was a he and I’m usually not lame about that stuff. How about his hair? But really . . . I simply adore how he embraces his bitchiness. I want to be him when I grow up. Anyhow, he announces that while some of the designers seem to think this will be fun, HE thinks, “Prom is horrible and tacky and gross!” (Gross? Really? Hmm. It’s a lot of things. But gross?)

As the model/teeny-boppers are leaving, the designers are laughing. Out loud. It’s the first time I’ve seen that. They crying they are laughing so hard!

So Tim, of the Parsons’ Design school, comes in to tells the designers he is going to “send in your models” but reminds the designers to “assert who you are” because the girls “will have strong ideas.” A quick question here . . . anybody out there ever been a teenage girl? Clearly Tim has no concept of teenage girls. They don’t have strong ideas. They have ideas made of steel, soaked in krypton, set in concrete. I know. I live with TWO. Pity me.

The designers are told they will get a budget of $250 and will have until “midnight tonight and all day tomorrow” to make the dresses. (Now stop here for a minute and soak up that information. Imagine designing and MAKING a prom dress in two days. Wow.)

So the first teen-bopper interviewed says she wants “pop” and “elegant”. Do those terms go together? Isn’t elegant, understated? Hmm. This is sounding not promising. She also says she wants it low in front and in the back. (Gosh, I hope that changes soon. Aren’t we due to for a resurgence of high-necks and leg-o-mutton sleeves?)

Kit’s girl says she’s looking for “edgy.” She got the right designer! But Kit announces that she thinks the dress must be modest. (Hmm. Wonder if I can hire her to do the girls' prom dresses?! Think it will have gone out of style by the year 2010?)

Then Kevin is interviewed, he’s from Jersey originally. He says, “I know the Jersey high school prom thing. They are all going to steal booze from their parents. It freaks me out.” Then he adds, a bit for his client's parents, “I promise to put a chastity belt in the garment.” Ha. He can design for the teen people too!

Sweet P, a biker chick from LA, has a client who also wants a plungey dress and something that goes BELOW THE WAIST in the back. Wow. Not soo appropriate for a 16-year-old. The girl tells Sweet P she wants a white or ivory dress. Sweet P is worried that it will look like a wedding dress. She says, “And hopefully she will not be losing her virginity!” Now that's not a very rebellious attitude for a biker chick who claims herself to have been a naughty Catholic schoolgirl who had "a LOT of fun" at her own prom, is it?

Christian’s client says she too is a clothing designer. He says, she’s “cute” but has “strong opinions." Yup. She’s taking his pencil and sketching on his paper. The look of horror on his face is to die for! (Truth be told, he got the fat girl and he’s mortified by it, even if he's trying not to be.) She wants a light brown and gold dress. Or light brown and black . . . or white. He pronounces it all “tacky stuff.” After she leaves he announces that during their meeting, “I was very scared.” Then he collapses dramatically on the floor and rolls around, saying, “I want to cry.”

Poor Victorya is told by her client that she was the last pick in designers, but, "that's ok because I liked your portfolio!" Victorya looks so NOT relieved to learn this fact. (Watch for more on Victorya below.)

Then they head off to "Mood" . . . a fabulous fabric store in New York City.

When they get back to the workroom, Christian begins mimicking his client, theatrically spouting, “This is the most important day of my life!” Then he looks into the camera and says, “I am not feeling fierce right now.” I simply adore that line!

Sweet P is trying to drape the dress and is concerned because her client says, “she likes her butt sticking out.” Hmm. Maybe I can adopt that view . . . I LIKE my butt sticking out. Hmmm. Nope. Not working for me. I still want it smaller. But then Sweet P intelligently says, “I’m not going home because I’m listening to a teenager. No. No, way.”

Again we see Christian muttering that his dress is, “So tacky.” And warning himself, “I cannot let a 17 year old girl overpower me.” It seems as though he may have some deep hidden history with this problem. Would LOVE to know the history on that!

After an ad, the designers fit the dresses on the girls with their mothers are in attendance. I was expecting good drama from the moms but not much other than one asking her daughter whether she's "a little pregnant in there". WTH? Can I just express how many ways that's WRONG? Way to support positive body-image there, Mom! I wish someone would have slapped her upside the head, but unfortunately, that didn't happen.

During the fitting Christian's client bleats, "Admit it, you love me!” Christian doesn't look so sure. After the fitting he's a mess. Tim says, "I have been concerned about you all afternoon and evening." Christian replies that he wants to die. I am now irritated. Grow up. Grow some balls! All 21 years of his life experience are showing . . . he's a big baby! (But truth be told, I DON'T like the dress either.)

There is then an interview with the designer, Rami. He explains that he was raised in Jerusalem, where there is no prom. His statement that he was raised in Jerusalem is a little bit deceptive. He was raised in Ramallah, on the West Bank. I guess no prom is just one more reason not to live on the West Bank.

Chris, whose design portfolio consists of pictures of him in drag, wonders if Heidi wore a lederhausen prom dress when she was in high school. That’s quite an idea, isn’t it? Heidi Klum and Seal dancing under a disco ball in lederhausen! Just imagine . . .

Ricky is one of my favorite designers. Sometimes I think he is my long-lost brother. He grew up in Escondido (right near where I used to live in California) and is the 12th of 14 kids! In his interview he says, “When I had a girl friend, I actually made a prom dress. That should have been a clue right there. Shouldn’t it?” Ha! I love everything about Ricky except his tragic choices in headwear.

Runway . . . it’s time for the show. And because this blog is WAY too long, I'm going to cut to the chase. The blue dress wins by Victorya WINS (so much for being picked last!) The champagne satin dress by Sweet P is a close second.

Christian's dress doesn't go over well with the judges. They really give him a hard time telling him he needs to relate to his client and needs to learn tact. Amen to that! Bitchiness is fabulous, but probably not when it's directed at his own client.

Ricky tells the judges that "the girl inside of me would wear this dress." That got some stunned silence from the judges. I can see Michael Kors' thoughts: "Hey, we ALL feel that way. We just don't SAY it . . . outloud." His dress is too pale. Maybe it would have looked better on Ricky's skin tone!

But poor Kevin is going home. He is told his bright red dress "just looked cheap." Kors says, “She looked like $29.95 prom.” Kevin, ever classy, leaves saying that the show is a stepping stone and, hey, "I got a hug from Heidi Klum. That’s not the worst thing in the world!"

But I personally wonder if there really is a chastity belt under there. Because I'm pretty sure there isn't a bra!!!!