Tim’s first visit is to Christian, right there in good ole’ New York City. Tim walks into the apartment and calls Christian, “Sweetheart!” We cut to Christian doing a little agonizing, “I hope he likes my stuff.” Hmm. Maybe little Christian is doubting himself a bit . . . somewhat less fierce when the cameras aren’t around . . . being the little scene hog that he is. (Of course he’s funnier than . . . um . . . no proper analogy is coming to me.)
They show us Christian’s room. I use that word loosely. He is sleeping and sewing in a closet. Yup. Seriously. It’s smaller than my closet. My closet is two or three times the size of his whole combined bedroom/studio. I would go NUTS in that little space. Christian explains to us that he began working in a hair studio at 13. Who . . . pray tell . . . would let a 13-year-old do their hair? Ok, so he looked at least 16 by the time he was holding scissors, but is that any better? Really? I would run screaming if a child came at my head with shears.
The theme for Christian’s collection is “romantic gothic,” it’s going to be “dark”. Sounds about right. The few pieces they show us—they are SUCH teases—look good but it’s hard to tell. Tim tells Christian, “Ask yourself, when do I not need something?” Nothing looks like too much of anything until they show . . . HORRORS . . . feather pants. Now I believe I have shared my opinion on feathers before. I do not like feathers. I don’t really like boas. I don’t know what it is. I don’t really hate birds. But these pants instantly disturb me. At the same time, they are kind of neat. Yes. No. Yes. No. But then again, they look like something a mummy might wear. They are bandages coming off the legs. Yicky. Tim says they “look costumey.” “Fabulous, but a little costumey.” They are, “A lot of look.” He departs telling Christian to apply an “editing eye to everything.” Christian tells us he’ll “think about it” but he’s not sure he’ll make any changes. Yet, “I want to win SO bad.”
Jillian is also working in NYC. She is Tim’s next visit. He also calls her a “sweetheart” as they air-kiss. She explains that she remained inspired by the last challenge (the one in the museum) so she has been researching 15th century armor. Tim thinks that her color “palate is a cloudy day” and he’s not getting it. But that’s about all there is of her collection.
They pack up and head over to Long Island to meet her family and her boyfriend. Did they say his name was Loua? Odd. Then they reveal that her mother went to go see a clairvoyant before she got married. This person told her she would have three children and one of them would be famous. So apparently her mother pushed her to do something worthy of famousness from a very early age. Wow. That kind of parental attitude could really go the wrong way, you know? There are so many types of “famous” these days.
Then Tim flies to L.A to visit Rami. So much for Ramallah. I was hoping for Sheik Chic. We meet his two best friends, Jeff and Jenn. They, like Rami, are boring.
We learn his mother was Miss Jordan in the 60’s but she died when he was only five. That is so sad. He talks about the fact that he was sketching secretly for years but he hid his interest because of the whole “Arabic male” thing. Must be like the macho, Hispanic thing.He describes his inspiration for his collection as “Joan of Arc”.
The construction and details will be like fighting gear but in the modern sense. They show a nice cape. Then an INCREDIBLE red silk blouse. REALLY, really incredible. I want it. Tim picks up one of Rami’s coats and declares it one, “heavy duty eff’n coat.” Ha, ha. Tim said eff’n! But then Tim tells Rami he needs to “pull it back a bit”, that it’s all “chain and nails” and “not soft.” Here’s what I know. I didn’t see a single eff’n draped item. Yeah Rami. He kicked the draping crack habit!
Then he goes to visit Chris, who is also in NYC. When he arrives at Chris’s apartment there are hugs and air kisses all around. Chris tells us he doesn’t want to do a costume parade. His theme is “beauty with a quirk.” I like that a lot. I like beautiful things with just a little somethin’, somethin’! He’s going for 5% costume and 95% fashion. (I might be more of a 1%/99% kind of gal.)
Chris says he wants to be “provocative” and has used . . . human hair as trim. Um hum. That’s what I said. Human. hair. as. trim. Disturbing. It guess it’s not a lot different than fur. And no humans died in the making of these clothes. But still. Ick. Tim is disturbed by the hair and says it’s triggering his gag reflex. Yup. Me too. The right word is heebie jeebies. *shiver On one of the jackets it’s hanging out from underneath a collar and it bothers me most of all.
Tim tells the funniest story. He says these clothes are like the monkey house at the zoo. When you first walk into the monkey house you think, “OMG this stinks.” But after you’ve been there awhile you think, “Oh, it’s not so bad.” And after you’ve been in there for half-an-hour, you think, “It doesn’t smell at all.” But the people who are just walking in STILL think it stinks. He pronounces that Chris has been living in the monkey house! More like the gorilla house. With gorilla sized stinky poo.
Then they go visit some of Chris’s friends—his NY family. Chris calls his friend’s place a Baroque, Rocco nightmare. Um. Ok. Is that also where people wear human hair?
Now it is time for the designers to travel back to NY. Well, I guess it’s time for Rami tor travel. Everyone else is just changing the location of their undies.
Interesting, Christian says that this is all “nerve wracking.” He seems to be trying to reassure himself with a meek, “I’m so fierce.” (That’s number two—in case anyone other than me is counting.) You know, it suddenly seems that Rami has more personality. Is it possible he grew a personality on the break or are they just trying to convince us of something?
As all the designers are sitting around together reunioning, Rami says he’s wondering “who’s going to end up on that third bed with Jillian and Christian?” Wait. What? WTH? I’m having a whole scary ménage à trois thing scroll through my head and then I realize . . . they are talking about the fact that there are only three beds in the apartment because one person is going home. I have such a dirty mind sometimes. Or . . . maybe I was just hoping for something wild to blog about. No such luck.
The next morning they all head over to their workroom and it strikes them that there are also only three work spaces. Chris promptly freaks out a little bit for us. Tim does one of his “gather round” announcements.
But before the announcement—what the heck does Jillian have on her head? I swear to God it looks like a black diaper?! Pretty it ain’t. And Tim is in a black leather blazer. It’s nice but a bit biker on him. Strange. I have him as such a Brooks Brother type in my head.
The announcement: It’s time for Chris and Rami to have their “walk-off”. They have been assigned three models. They have three hours to fit their outfits and get their models through hair and make-up. Jillian is going to Rami’s assistant today; Christian is going to help out Chris. Chris hugs Christian and Christian is swallowed up whole by Chris’s body. It reminds me of a Gordita from Taco Bell. Odd, I know. But it’s what I thought of when I saw that hug. Jillian says she and Rami are a brother/sister act. Okie dokie then.
The models are sent in and Rami proceeds to wig out. He’s all hot, scrambling around, and completely losing it. I haven’t seen this side of him before. Chris’s work is very interesting. Now that I’ve been in the monkey house for a while, I can recognize that the work is innovative. Then he tells Christian to “brush the dress.” Errp. Maybe innervating? Time’s up; they’re off to Parsons for the Runway show.
Rami first sends down a heavy blue coat (a beautiful peacock blue), a long black dress (NOT draped) and a black with silver short dress that is beautifully folded/pleated across the front. It’s not Grecian draping. It’s just very pretty. It’s all pretty fabulous. Chris’s stuff is very 1930’s. There is a black top with fur . . . err, hair, a lace drop-waisted dress and a black shawl and dress. I think the model is having trouble walking in the long dress. That’s not a good thing. And the lace dress reminds me of that older, red-headed desginer from last season. What was her name? The one with the million kids?
The judges talk to Chris about his collection. He describes his inspiration as dark, glamour, Goth. He explains the human hair and says he LOVES that it’s a little bit creepy. Yup. Then he explains that the skirt was made out of safety pins. I never would have guessed. It is really, really pretty. Kors says it is “overly designed and dark” and when a model “can’t move in it,” it’s a problem. Hysterically, he called it a velvet condom! Ha, ha, Michael Kors said “condom.”
Rami tells the judges that his inspiration was that he wanted to show construction and balance. He wants to show that he can do what they want him to do. They compliment him on his tailoring. Nina is all about the second look—the black and silver/grey dress. But she’s worried about the volume in his coat. (Tim, the guru, warned him.) They all love his long dress—it’s gorgeous—but with unflattering hips. Nina doesn’t mind the unflattering hips. Hum. Unflattering on my hips is pretty much the end of any item of clothing. You?
The judges debate. Rami has great skill. Both of them have a lot of ingenuity. Chris is intriguing.Then they start the obligatory dramatic music. This has been a very difficult decision . . . I stop to do a silent prayer:
Please, please, oh holy person of fashion, save Chris. Forgive him for the human hair.
He’ll take it off, I just know.
How could I survive the last show without his hyena cackle?
He’ll take it off, I just know.
How could I survive the last show without his hyena cackle?
Now back to the show . . . this is a very difficult decision. The judges think both collections are dark and overworked. Chris is pronounced incredibly creative. Rami showed them a different and refined point of view.
Rami . . . congratulations, you are going to NY fashion week.
Damn. Damn. Damn. D.A.M.N. *sob
Auf wiedersehen. *sniffle
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