revisiting "alskngvladsfjvoliujwer"

I'm finding my "alskngvladsfjvoliujwer" post kinda funny now. Maybe funny is the wrong word. Let's just say I'm looking at it in new light this morning.

It was an interesting weekend. My parents were here for the girls' final youth symphony concert and Dad's 70th birthday dinner. My mom got in her guilt-ridden jabs. Dad was great as always. I didn't enjoy the presence of my SIL (especially when she turned down my dinner invitation for Saturday night and then called me at noon on Saturday to say she'd changed her mind and could they still come. I just didn't call her back. I'd already bought the food and there wasn't enough for three more people. She pisses me off.) But that's all beside the point of this blog.

The teens. Specifically, the high schoolers. I'm sorry that I obsess endlessly on this topic but it's very all-encompassing. And it brings up a lot of my old baggage. And that's what a blog is for, right? A place to belly-button gaze and up-chuck all the crap. (Yeah. I know. Not really. But I'm going to do it anyway.)

Here's the question. Has there ever been a happy teen? Ever? Or is it just natural for them to hate themselves and everything around them? Does every single teen either do or think about doing something self-destructive?

"alskngvladsfjvoliujwer" is about how I didn't push my kid and she failed and fell into this self-loathing mood and then how I lost it. Now I know I lost it because I was wondering if I did the right thing in letting her fail. Whether I should have pushed a little harder on the front end so she wouldn't be hurt in the end. I've now decided, I just can't blame myself like that. To some degree, you are damned either way.

So you're probably wondering, "What's this all about, Laggin? Will you get to the point? I've got some work to do." . . . Yeah. Sorry.

My point is that I've finally figured out why the boyfrondo is so perfect and exactly where his weakness lies. First, I'll start by telling you that on Saturday he attended a Latin competition--in a toga (I just had to include that part for fun). He was awarded the prize for top Latin I student in the State of Kansas. Good grief. What doesn't he do well? He'll be on the varsity football team as a sophomore. He's got higher than a 4.0 GPA. He's going to state TWICE in drumming. He's freshman captain of the drum line--and will be as a sophomore too (yes, he'll change during the football games so he can march at half-time.) He writes pretty incredible, albeit sappy poetry. He treats my girl pretty wonderfully. He placed fourth in a recent JV track meet in the shot put. You get the picture.

But Friday night, when Eldest was at his house to give him his birthday present (he's 15 tomorrow), his mother lost it. In front of Eldest, she yelled at him. She went on about how he was giving up everything in his life except Eldest and he needed to get his priorities straight, etc. Eldest came home EARLY, completely shaken because it was quite the scream-fest. She couldn't believe a mom would do that in front of a friend. (Suddenly, I don't look like such a bad mom. Ha.) I don't know that the mom's message was so wrong--they are a bit in over their heads. But the delivery was extreme. And, really WTH? This kid is succeeding at everything he's doing. What more does she want?

By Saturday morning, Eldest had a surprisingly good reaction and decided she'd support his mom's wishes and started limiting the time she was on Facebook and texting him so he could focus on his studies. She also stayed home Saturday night and just hung with family (gasp) and left him alone. But, apparently wicked-Mom laid into boyfrondo again last night. (He'd spent the day with us for the youth symphony concert and Dad's 70th birthday dinner. I suspect he had not finished some reading he was supposed to have done before he could go with us, but I'm not sure.)

He ended up Facebooking Eldest from about 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. last night (SUPER, now my kid's exhausted), asking her just to stay online with him because he was so upset. This lady clearly doesn't know her son very well. He admitted to Eldest that he was "self-abusing", which is also a habit of hers. Sigh. I love what teens to do themselves. What he's up to isn't that dangerous, or I'd call his mom in a heartbeat. But, man, how is she missing this?

I've known of and watched this issue in Eldest for years (and yes, gotten all kinds of counseling). But this woman is so concerned about her son's successes in life that she's missing what pain he's in. It frustrates the hell out of me. Because he's a really bright, neat kid and she's missing the forest for the trees.

As one of my friends pointed out, if this is what she's like in front of Eldest, you've got to wonder what it's like when no one else is there.

So, when I read "alskngvladsfjvoliujwer" this morning, it came to me in a whole new light. Pushing her would be the wrong thing for my kid. I've just got to support who she is, help her try to see what's right and why hard work is a good thing. All things in moderation; that's got to be the thing to teach. Because a kid who is allowed to slack, is missing a lesson. But a kid who is pushed too hard, is missing balance and joy.

Finding the middle ground, is really, really hard. But I think it's the only place that's safe.

Today, you get a new house . . . a TEEN house (the original MTV "Real Life" house) because that's where my thoughts always seem to wander.