what's on my mind wednesday

Instead of item by item . . . like the day started out . . . here's a list:

1. Youngest gets home from a ski trip tonight. I'm looking forward to seeing her. She's pretty much a peaceful presence in the house. Although she certainly has her silly and goofy moments. Dad took her on a ski trip for his 70th birthday. They've been calling and have had a lovely time.

2. My job has . . . issues. Not smart to put it all out here but . . . blah. Sometimes I wish I did something more creative or fulfilling in life.

3. I'm tired of KU basketball. I'm glad they won but now it can be over. Really.

4. Diet. Blech. Why, oh why, can't I eat yummy food and be skinny?

5. Does it make anyone else nervous when a "large" person gets off the elevator and you can feel the car move/bounce as they exit? I'm not trying to be mean. But it makes my stomach whirl. Did you know I'm terrified of falling? Not so much afraid of heights; I'm afraid of falling.

6. Ok. And now for what has been eating me up for days. I've certainly hinted at it. But I haven't put it all out here mostly because several of my readers really know me. (Who am I kidding? Probably ALL of you who read this actually know me. I'm not so interesting that I'd be honored with lurkers.) So let me start out with a few disclaimers. I don't want to seem obsessed . . . but maybe I am just a bit. I don't want to be one of those mother's living vicariously. I'm NOT that. I'm just freaked.

It's a new stage and I am not doing well with it. It's like when I had a 2-year-old biter. Not. enjoying. it. I'm not sleeping, I'm jumpy, I'm occasionally getting snippy with people. Why? Because the love bug has come to live in my house. Eldest has been bitten. Badly. More disclaimers. (See I'm having trouble talking about this without spending time telling you that I realize all the reality in the issue.) I know that teen relationships are fleeting. They flame out as fast as they flame up. Blah, blah, blah. But do you remember that first person? The first time you fell for someone? Fell hard? Yeah. That's where we are. When they look at each other you can SEE it. They are gone for each other. Out of their heads. Head over flipping heels.

Here's an example, there is a couple we know that Hubby and I hang out with sometimes. We go out to dinner or go to each other's homes. We met them through Younger as they have a daughter that was in Younger's grade school class. The girls really aren't good friends but the adults have formed a friendship. I give you this background so you understand these are adults that know Eldest but don't know her particularly well. So the woman in this couple e-mails me the other day and says she and her daughter were out for a walk on the last day of spring break and ran into Eldest and the boyfrondo. This is the text of her message (edited for anonymity):

Daughter and I saw Eldest and her boyfriend today on the trail. They were taking a walk. I hate to tell you that they looked really cute. He seemed to be a nice guy. It was obvious they really care for each other (they weren't doing ANYthing wrong or all over each other, you could just tell). I can see why this one scares you. She said, "Hi Mrs. T." I didn't even know who she WAS at first... They grow up so fast!

Great. Perfect. Someone who barely knows Eldest can see it is really "obvious" they "care for each other". Someone who, mind you, has never before e-mailed me about this kind of stuff. We usually just talk about dinner plans or professional referrals. I mean we talk about personal stuff and our kids when we are together, we just don't usually do it in e-mails. She's not that good a friend.

So anyhow, luckily (at least from my perspective), Eldest tells me a lot. Sometimes it's TMI but right now, I'm glad she's talking to me. I know they are using the word "love," I know they are moving slowly on the physical side (not only because she told me but because I've seen some of their written exchanges on the point) but they also think they are talking about "forever". And that's where I go, "Oh, for goodness sake." Frickelty, frackelty forever? Uhg. Dare I tell you I heard the phrase "promise ring"? Do you need to go there, now? They are so oooey, gooey, Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, when you watch it from the outside, you know where Shakespeare got it. That's precisely how they are. Flowery speech and all. (Oh, and both being a wee bit geeky, they have copies of it in their rooms and quote it at each other. Regularly.)

Have you thrown up in your mouth yet . . . just a little bit? I'm a bit gagged out by all of this. (And their friends have all but staged an evil revolt over it. Thus, my earlier mean-girl posts.) But it's also kinda sweet to watch. I can't help but like a boy who likes my girl so very much. (If he weren't a nice boy, it would be a different matter all together.)

So I watch this evolve with equal parts horror, trepidation, humor, horror (did I say that already?), affection, nostalgia (remember when?) . . . you get the idea. I'm very mixed up with it all. My biggest worry? The potential heartache. This thing has the potential for a bad ending to the "nth" degree. Right now, it's pretty mutual but when it's not? Someone is going to be DEVASTATED. Eldest is always such a rickety, emotional person anyway. Sigh.

Ok, so I write this out and I don't feel too bad. Hubby may be doing better than I am. He says it all "seems appropriate" for this age. I have noticed, however, that when they are hanging out in the basement Hubby goes down there a lot. He has managed to make more trips up and down the steps in the last five weeks than he has in the entire past 12 years. Hubby's worries are all more "physical" than mine. But he's been a 15-year-old boy, right? On the other hand, I believe Eldest knows what she wants and, until she changes her mind, Boyfrondo will be held at bay. Yeah. Yeah. I know she might change her mind. Just thinking about that makes my brain scream. I'll jump off that bridge when I get there--and one of you out there is going to get me VERY drunk on that day. I remember when one of my good friends-- and reader here--had the experience of having her husband walk into their home to find their daughter . . . . Ah, you can fill in the blanks, yourselves. I know you. YOU can do it. Yeah. Ok. It's all out there now.

Toodles. Today it's a freaked-out house.