I heard a parenting story on the Today Show (my source of all that is important in the world) about having a favorite child. Yeah. Soak that in for a minute. I'll wait.
A favorite.
The idea has been marinating in my brain for a while. And instead of getting nice and tasty...like a good piece of meat? I'm afraid it fell apart...like I was marinating a slice of Wonder Bread.
I can say I always thought my brother was more fawned over, but mostly because he needed more prodding and poking that I did. He was definitely Grammy's favorite but I don't begrudge him that...he was named after her husband and was born right after my grandfather died. He was her consolation. I'm glad she had that. But I never really thought that my parents had a favorite. I didn't grow up feeling favoritism, at all.
I've spent my fair share of time with my little ones asking me, "Do you love me more than her?" I've listened to plenty of "I KNOW she's your favorite because she's (perfect)(smarter)." (You pick, it depends on which kid is saying talking.)
But I really, truly don't think I have a favorite.
I work really hard at being equal-opportunity in my mean-mom-ness. :o)
There is no doubt, however, that I love them differently. One thing the show said--which I adore and now adopt--I love them each with my whole heart.
They are different people. That elicits different love. I just don't think it causes more or less love.
We had a lovely picture book when they were younger called "I Love You the Purplest". In it, the mother explains to her boys that she loves one the "reddest" and the other the "bluest"...so together she loves them the "purplest". (I love this book. It has beautiful watercolor illustrations.)
I picked up on this concept with the girls. And I would spend hours telling them what I love about them.
Eldest, I love you the wildest...for your strength and bravery and beliefs and thoughtfulness and your kick-ass attitude (even if it's my ass you are usually kicking) and your spirituality.
Younger, I love you the calmest...for your love and your caring and your funny, funny sense of humor and your diligence and because you are always sensitive to what people around you need (especially me) and because when you aren't being zany, you bring me peace.Together, they are my purple world...the rock upon which this particular, purple house is built.
11 comments:
You are the sort of mother I aspire to be.
I don't think I could have a favorite. Like you I love JP and SG in their entirety and for all their differences. Ask me to pick? I'd rather sever all my limbs with a butter knife. There's a book we have called "You're All My Favorites." It's a family with three baby bears and each bear is the best baby bear in the whole world. Really, when it comes to your children, how could it be any other way?
That said, I'm sure (hell, I know) there are parents out there with a favorite child and I look at them and I think, "You don't deserve to be a parent."
Davi--That's incredibly sweet.
Tonks--I totally agree. I was put off by the TV show as they were talking like it was ok and normal. And sure, sometimes its easier to love one than the other...because we all have that one...or they all have their moments...but PUUUHleeze.
I'm totally with you on that being a weird concept. Did these people even have kids? Because I cannot understand how a parent would say that about one of their children.
I love the purple analogy and will steal it too if that is okay. My 5yr old asked me once who was loved more, him or his sister. I think I answered satisfactorily, but the purple is definitely something he could wrap his little brain around.
PS - your daughters are beautiful!
Like the Big Ten...have "Co-Favorites!"
I did tell my wife that our second was my favorite moments after she was born...(but that was only because I got to hold her first!) I was not being serious, just teasing. I would never, could never actually comprehend the concept. But I have clients who do!
DCD--It's not MY idea, get the book. It's great! Falstaff, yes, you do have clients like that, don't you?
yes, but even in the fog of Alzheimer's, she knew that MY client was the "good one!"
That was some of hte best testimony I've ever obtained!
What a lovely post. I've got two as well and it's all true.
Thought you might be interested in knowing that Capt. G's blog, "Kaboom" has been nominated for Army "Milblog of the Year." You can cast your vote by Sunday at 11:59 at:
http://milblogging.com
Capt. G's (and Luke's) Mom
that was super, super incredible! And you are SO right. We love them differently, separately, and completely.
I'm sad for kids whos parent's choose favorites. It usually has to do with how similar, or different the kid is from the parent. It's one of the reasons I love that my kids are SO different. It makes it impossible for people to compare them, they just have to accept them for the wonderfully unique people that they are.
And is that YOUR purple house? It's fabulous!
The purplest. Love that. I always say I love you equally but differently. Because duh you're totally different kids. Now go to bed.
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