boys..... ain't real bright

The title of this post is actually a quote from the brilliant ciii.

The whole quote, if I'm being all accurate and stuff, was, "Boys.....we ain't real Bright. But, a Hell of a lot of Fun."

That made me think of a story. It's not really about the fun part; just the ain't real bright part.

A few years back, when we were still dumb, newbie parents-of-teenagers, Car-man and I volunteered to chaperon the middle school dance. More accurately, I volunteered and forced him to go with me by threatening to withhold sex. (I had to pull out the big gun for this one.) I mean a mom should not have to face that horror alone, right?

Well, it turned out that Car-man was one of like four chaperons who were dads. So they were on PDA patrol. And I don't mean PTA-patrol. I mean he was supposed to break-up public displays of affection. I kid you not. He had to walk around and break-up the couples. No long hugging, no lap sitting, no making-out. He was seriously unhappy with me. I just kind of giggled. Wondering if I was going to get cut-off too.

I, on the other hand, was given balcony duty. Which means, I had to stand on the balcony and assist the off-duty, yet in uniform, policeman hired by the PTA to patrol with this nightmare lovely, stupid well-thought-out event.

Generally, when the kids were being dumb-asses, Officer McThisJobSucks would shine his big ole-mag light on them. They would be both blinded and enlightened (ba-da-bing!), and would usually stop their dumb-ass ways.

When they didn't stop being all idjity, Officer McTJS would go down to the gym floor to beat them with his mag light talk some sense into them. However, since they would flee from him and try to hide inside the mad, pulsing throng on the dance floor, my job was to direct Officer McTJS and point-out the criminals dunces.

Let me start by saying that I know boys do not have an exclusive patent on stupid. But middle school boys? Near as I can tell, they are among the stupidest creatures. Ever. Middle school girls=nasty. Middle school boys= STOOPID.

Some of their less-than-intelligent moves included crowd surfing...head first...and they wouldn't pay attention to where the crowd ended... THUNK. Oh! And believing they were Spiderman. Yeah. They would get a running start at the gym wall, attempt to run up it and do a back-flip off the wall. None of them succeeded. Several had large goose eggs on their noggins. Clearly they were empty noggins.

See?

Dolts.

Dummies.

But at this particular dance they took it to a whole new level. A group of about seven boys created a maneuver I fondly remember as the "boy toss". Six of them would stand across from each other...almost like they were going to do the Virginia Reel...and hold hands, both hands...across the space between them. Then, the seventh boy would get a running start and dive onto the conjoined arms of his buddies and they would toss him as hard as they could....into the crowd of dancers. Before Officer McTJS could jog his little belly down those stairs and escort these brainiacs out of the building, I saw them launch three or four boys a good ten feet into the air and 15 feet deep into the crowd.

No one seemed to get really hurt. But that was just unfortunate damn lucky.

Later, some of the nasty girls got in a scratch fight and were bleeding all over the place.

Car-Man and I have not returned to the Middle School dance scene. We just prefer ignorance to pretend that we don't know what's happening while our girls are away from us.

Isn't this just the perfect picture for this post?