We hired a bit of a drill-sergeant for a nanny this summer. She's scary. She's also fully capable of handling what our particular home presents right now.
When we found her, it felt fateful.
She has a special needs brother who she is very close to. She has a degree in special ed and is an aide at one of the middle schools in our district. She has her masters degree in high school counseling. I mean, could I do better for our situation this summer?
I think not . . . err . . . I thought not.
The girls are not loving her. She is not our typical bubbly, fun college-girl nanny. She 26-ish. She's big. (I'm not trying to be mean...but she could not fit in the rides at the amusement park. So nothing prejudicial here. Just the facts.) She is not very much fun. The girls complain that she doesn't interact with them. And quite frankly, this summer? I don't care. The Drill Sergeant could deal with any shit that might rain down upon our home . . . if you know what I mean. She knows what to watch for and that's worth it's weight in gold . . . or $12/hour . . . which is close to gold, right?
But yesterday it turned odd.
The girls said they were just hanging out watching TV, not paying attention to the Drill Sergeant. The next thing they knew, the water was running in their bathroom. The Drill Sergeant was taking a shower.
Without telling anyone that's what she was going to do.
And no, she isn't a "live-in". She goes home at night.
And no, they didn't go to the pool yesterday or even go outside and get sweaty.
It seems kinda weird, no?
So what do I do with that? I'm thinking I leave it in the I-don't-have-a-clue-how-to-react-so-I-think-I'll-just-ignore-it category.
22 comments:
Well thanks...now I have the image of a "large", angry women showering in my head...
If she is filling the need you have right now, let the quirks go, just make sure the subfloor under the tub is reinforced.
Large women may have a more frequent need to bathe, with the extra folds of fat that accumulate that cheesy, greasy, goo, but GOOD GOD, don't ignore what happened.
She is not a live-in nanny, so she does not need to shower in your house, unless, as you say, everyone goes swimming, mud bogging or jello wrestling.
That being said, she needs to understand the limits of her command, which should exclude using the girls' shower, especially without notification.
Besides, it would be common courtesy to let the girls know what she was doing. Although they might worry if she says, "Is it okay if I jump in the shower?" In which case, one might reply, "No. The floor will cave-in and you'll fall to your fat death."
Also, if the girls aren't digging her because she's an antisocial drill sergeant, you might consider an alternative. Your daughters could likely stage a mutiny.
To review, don't ignore what happened. Address it immediately. And, whatever you do, don't imagine Large Marge in the shower.
I kinda think you should not ignore this. I am a big one for trusting one's intuition and if this feels odd, go with your gut. Your nanny's behavior seems a bit odd.
I read your post and thought 'oh shit! what if they have to find a new nanny?' You guys deserve a normal summer.
Well that's just weird. And, while I wouldn't advise it, I totally understand the temptation to try to ignore.
Dude! Jello wrestling? I need a brain enema.
I have to say that the day she was over here I certainly didn't feel any warm fuzzies talking to her. Also, it's weird that she was in the shower and, as awkward as it may be, you need to chat with her about it.
I think it's just wrong that she got naked in your house. What if your husband had been home?
Maybe it was a test to see if anyone was paying attention...
That is quite weird. Maybe I would ignore it unless it happens again. Quite possibly she had a little accident or something yesterday and needed to freshen up - it's kind of yucky thinking about her using your shower, though!
Well, apparently, she HAD explained to Car-Man. She had a big party to go to that evening and AFTER THE FACT (as in when he got home that evening), she told him she had gotten ready at our house.
Nope, Tonks, no warm fuzzies at all. But when it comes to our current safety issues, I'll take her over the warm-fuzzy inexperienced 20 year old any day.
For example, right now we're switching out meds and Eldest is mood swinging all over the damn place. It's pretty awful. *sigh*
Thanks. :)
Well, it sounds like she had a reason to shower. I would just say something along the lines of" "You know how kids are, just let us know ahead of time if you need to get ready again." She'll get it.
As for the warm and fuzzy, I think you are making the right choice. Can you imagine some undergrad freaking out if something went wrong? No thanks.
Hey, big girls need to party too.
All things considered I would buy her a monogrammed bath towel and tell her to keep up the good work.
Carolyn...Online nailed it!
I guess she at least explained her actions, so it's not (hopefully) something that she will do again. And if she's what you need, then maybe it's okay. ONCE!
After ready all comments I have to say I agree and disagree. Not that my opinions are EVER the right way to go. God knows I keep making huge mistakes at home. But....
1. You are PAYING this person to do a particular job. If she worked in an office or at the school would she be able to just go shower and get ready for a party there? Unaccpetable I think.
2. Again you are paying her to pay attention to your children, what if like you said eldest had a melt down while she was in the shower? Then what, youngest runs to get her and she comes out naked? in a towel? I think that would be more devistating.
I realize that this "type" of job there are things she will be able to do that you would normally not do at a place of employment, but I think she was taking advantage of you & carman not being there.
Time to lay out some boundries (and a nanny cam) even for the drill sargent.
You've gotten a wealth of ideas here already, and have apparently addressed it. It would have been far, far wiser had she said something to you all in the morning before taking such a liberty. It would have quite clearly been an odd request, but had you known ahead of time, that makes a difference. I'd definitely be sitting down and reevaluating the program if she started using your house as a spa!
I was a nanny for years and this seems odd to me. I also think the fact that she's so cold is not in her favor either. I think it's possible to be firm and have very strong boundaries and expectations of the girls without being mean and certainly not ignoring them. They need to know that she's paying attention, cares about their well being, AND knows how to keep them safe. This is not one of those things that you want to look back at in 20/20.
Just an opinion... I know it's an emotional thing to have to find someone new or let someone go, but pay attention to your intuition.
That's a bit odd, I'll say. Odd, but not freaky. I'd just file it away.
maybe she was you know feeling especially dirty or not so purty?
if it were me, i'd do nothing. unless it happened again.
drill sergeants are hard to come by after all.
Well, everyone seems to have good advice so I won't repeat it, but I would just keep it in the back of your mind and if anything else weird occurs I would say it's time to change nannies.
And I agree with Russ, I need a brain enema after Jello image!
Oy.
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