truly painful

Last night, I checked in with my folks to make sure they were seeing the Bin Laden news. Mom and I then chatted for a few minutes waiting for the President to speak. Mom asked about my weekend. I told her about Wasband's conversation with Eldest (that I blogged about yesterday, here). She was appropriately disgusted with Wasband. She commented that "he is so into himself", "selfish", and did not know how to parent.

Then the topic moved to Eldest's birthday. Mom mentioned that she was thinking about just giving Eldest money. I agreed.

Then she said, "I just hope she'll say thank you."

I paused; making sure I heard what I thought I heard.

"What?", I said, stunned. My kids say thanks.

"Well, yes, I worry about this because they never say thank you," she responded. And then, as an afterthought, "But maybe that seems petty in light of everything you are dealing with."

I paused again, hurting, and trying not to lose my temper.

I said, "Was that really necessary?"

She said something like, "Well, there just seems to be no communication with them."

I excused myself from the phone. She had the gall to act offended that I did not want to talk any more.

My children do not communicate with her because apparently THEY have a better sense of self-preservation than I do. They don't keep going back for THAT sort of conversation. They are not close to her and never will be PRECISELY because she says things like that.

Let's just take a moment and examine my mother's words about Wasband: "he was so into himself", "selfish", and did not know how to parent. Hmm. Curious comparison, huh?

(An aside...and the fact that I am writing this at all should tell you how guilty this woman can make me feel...I stopped forcing my children to write thank you notes about the time Eldest was diagnosed with dysgraphia, a cognitive impairment in writing. Instead, we have always done "thank you calls". In the past couple of years, as Eldest's relationship has become more and more antagonistic with my mother, it's been hard to get her to talk on the phone with Mom and, no, I haven't always forced her.  My mother has no recognition of her own responsibility in their deteriorating relationship.)