apperently since miss davis hates me i have a dention tonight.
idk what happned
(As usual, I left the horrid spelling and grammar so you can have a cringefest right along with me.)
I texted back:
Find out why you have detention and let me know.
When she got home from school, Eldest informed me she didn't serve the detention yesterday and they would just make her serve it at some, to-be-determined, surprise time.
Starting to sound fishy to you?
I again asked why she got detention. I was again told she didn't know. And when I gave her the incredulous-eye, Eldest said, "...err...because Mrs. Davis doesn't believe that I was sick last week and so she thinks I was skipping study hall. Or something like that. I don't know."
You see, folks, I--Laggin---look REALLY, REALLY stupid. I look exactly like I would believe that. Or at least that's what I look like out of a 15-year-old eyes...STUPID, stupid, stooopid.
Last week, when she WAS sick, I called the absence to the school and Eldest told me she checked in with Mrs. Davis on the day she came home sick mid-day. Eldest went so far as to tell me Mrs. Davis assured her she didn't have to make-up the study halls that she missed when sick. In fact, Eldest reported Mrs. Davis saying something like, "I'm worried about that cough you have. Go home and get better, sweetie." Which was followed with some effusive praise of Mrs. Davis by Eldest. (Mrs. Davis is a technology teacher and study hall monitor at the high school. She also happens to be the mother of one of Eldest's good friends, a boy known as "Peanut". Remember the name, this is what we call foreshadowing.)
So, following Eldest's lame attempt at explaining her detention, I said, "Ok. I'll e-mail Mrs. Davis and let her know you really were sick."
*Ha. Gotcha!*
Eldest immediately started back-pedaling, because I look stupid, "....um...err...don't e-mail her because then she'll get mad at me."
*She'll be mad? For what? Lying to your mother?*
I said, "Then you better find out why you got detention and report it to me or I'm going to ask Mrs. Davis directly."
Eventually, after a few rounds of "I don't know"--"Ok, just find out or I'll find out," Eldest said, "I got detention because Mrs. Davis thinks I lied to her."
*Hmm. I wonder where Mrs. Davis would get the impression that you are a liar, dear child? I cannot believe anyone would believe my child capable of lying. You are so clearly truthful, and all.*
"Why would she think that?" I asked.
The response was, "She thinks I lied about having to do my math test during study hall."
"Ah," I say, "well that's easy to fix. Just have your math teacher tell Mrs. Davis that you were taking a math test during study hall. No problem!"
More back-pedaling, "It's ok, Mom. It's just easier to serve the detention. I've got it. Ok?"
*Ha! You mean it's easier to serve it because you DESERVE to serve it?! Is this an admission that you WERE lying?*
"What? Why don't you just go to Mrs. Scherer [the math teacher] and have her explain that you were taking the math test during study hall?"
Following a HUGE SIGH, apparently intended to convey her mother's utter lack of intelligence, Eldest said, "Because Mrs. Scherer wasn't there when I showed up to take the test. So SHE thinks I'm lying too. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'll just serve the detention."
*Ah. So there it is. Two teachers think you are lying which means that you were probably...um...LYING. Or twisting the truth, kind of like what you're doing with your mom, huh?*
And, just to reaffirm how stupid I look, Eldest added, "It doesn't matter. Mrs. Davis is just doing this to me because Austin broke up with Peanut." [You remember her? Austin is Eldest's friend whom I previously wrote about.]
*Oh, yes. That explains it all. Mrs. Davis, a perfectly sane 40+ year-old woman, with years of parenting experience, is giving you detention because one of your friends broke-up with her son following a 10-day relationship. Yes. Now I understand everything very clearly. Because, you see, I am very, very stupid. And you, dear daughter, are not honest.*
Do you suppose it sucks to have a lawyer-mother who cross-examines you constantly?
14 comments:
Interesting....my oldest was always the liar in this household too. She'd go as far as to lie about stuff that didn't even matter, just for the attention!
I can't believe you didn't just say, "Do I look stupid?"
She is going to have to learn to do a much better job creating her stories and covering her tracks. Amateur! (You want I should give her lessons? I perfected the art and am an expert!)
Did you ever actually get the truth from her lips?
The "truth" she will admit is that she "thought" she was supposed to take the test on X-day but the teachers didn't know that because of miscommunication. The miscommunication being, Eldest never told them she was planning to take the test that day. So, you see, she's not lying.
:(
Laggin, once again, you have made me look forward to my future with fear and trepidation.
I had a friend whose parents were a shrink and a lawyer. Besides being one of the most screwed up people I have ever known, she told me she never got away with anything once they teamed up during "cross".
Poor kid...it totally sucks when you learn that your mom wasn't born yesterday.;)
Eve though it had nothing to do with Me, my Ass Cheeks were clenched the Whole time I was reading this.
Been there Eldest. Cold sweats, rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms. Ain't worth it Kid. And my mother wasn't even an Attorney. You gots Balls though, Kid.
Your last line answered my question perfectly!
Does she not know you are a lawyer?!
Man, I'm glad neither of my 'rents were lawyers. They were kind of easily snowed. Looking back, I'm kind of embarrassed how much I lied to them. *sigh*
I pray that my kids don't grow up to me teenagers like I was, because I was a moody, sneaky teenager.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the portion of our evening where Miss America's mom reassures herself that no child of hers will ever lie (at least not to his/her mother).
Sure, she is 9 1/2 and has already perfected the eye roll and the contemptuous "God... you aren't really wearing that today are you?"
Here's hoping (PRAYING) that my journalism school interrogating, er, interviewing skills will hold me in good stead...
Ahhh. You have a normal kid. Yay!
And Rowan, don't go bragging about how great a liar you are. You forget your children, with an uncle, who tells stories.
Eldest's lying is odd. She'll tell a stupid untruth that she's bound to get caught in, like the above. BUT? She'll also call me from a friends and say, "They are watching an R rated movie (which is against my rules), can you come get me?". Like I'd ever find out she watched the movie. Go figure.
I think velo-dude still has a book on interrogation skills, back from his retail loss-prevention days. Must start reading that now.
Siskbert? Where have you been? I missed you!
I read this and in my mind, I was replacing your Eldest with mine and me in your role, and I seeing my future playing out...and I shivered. Must take lots of deep breaths...
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