Tonight the girls and I went to dinner and a movie. Eldest wanted freeway driving hours so we took the "training car" (a/k/a my old car). The last person to drive it was Car-man, while his was being repaired.
There was a crumpled beer can, Car-man's brand, under the driver's seat.Let's just say that "pissed" is a word that applies.
I entered the house, handed it to him in front of the girls, and asked, in a very chilly voice, "Just how the hell are you going to explain that to our two teenager drivers?" He looked at me and quietly said, "I don't know."
Damn tooting. There IS no explanation.
I am pissed off. Big time.
12 comments:
The fact that the girls saw it was unfortunate, to say the least. The conclusions they'll draw and the lessons they'll learn from it depend on where they stood on this issue before they saw the beer can, though.
You can be and should be as pissed off as you get, obviously. It sucks. I'd say try to locate the bigger issue (the rock - remember?)that gets you the most. Is it his carelessness as a parent? Undependability? Secretiveness? Fears of him being alcoholic? Find the thing. Talk about that instead of the crappy beer can.
A shrink I'm not, but this advice has helped me in the past. Good luck. I hate a brewing fight before it erupts. But you'll get through it.
You're at liberty to be livid. This is a fight worth having.
I'm going to assume (and give Car-man the benefit of the doubt) that it was A beer. One. Singular. No more. No matter, it was wrong. But what if he'd been pulled over? Does he realize he would've been hauled in to the police station? Charged with having an open container? Possibly charged with a DUI? How would he have explained that to the girls?
You can have a fight with him if you want (I doubt it will be much of a fight, though. How does one defend something like that?) What needs to happen is Car-man sitting down with the girls, explaining what he did and why it was wrong and assuring them that it was a lapse in judgment that will never happen again and he should apologize for setting a bad example.
It is his turn to explain to them how badly he fucked up.
He is lucky you love him as much as you do. That may be the only thing saving his ass right now.
Tonks, That's exactly what I did this morning. I told him he needed to talk to the girls, apologize to them and tell them he'd been a dumb-ass. He says he will. I doubt it. He avoids tough situations. If he doesn't, THAT is when we will fight.
I agree with what others have already said. His job now is to step up and show responsibility, and if he doesn't, as you're concerned he might, then I'd raise some hell, too!
It is surprising to me how many "adults" take a cavalier attitude about this. I'm not talking about the kids in their 20's being stupid, I'm talking about parents with kids who think a "road soda" is okay. (I'm not just looking at Car-man, my sister and her husband also do this.)
Good luck with it - I hope he doesn't avoid the conversation.
Okay - desroc2 was me, somehow I signed in under my husband!
Well, this is a crappy way to end the holidays.
So what happened today? Did he apologize to anybody? Say anything? Run away and hide?
DCD is right; it is tough. My FIL used to buy for us frequently when I was in h.s. and he was well aware we'd be driving. Husband was arrested for contributing when he bought for his sister when she was in h.s. and his mother thought it was a hoot (I may have mentioned that these people are morons...)
Good for you for taking a stand on this as it is a serious thing.
Good luck.
reminds me of the time the University car fleet department found the empty bottle of Jack Daniels under the drivers seat of a 15-passenger econoline...I'm guessing Car-man's experience with you was about as unpleasant as mine with the Union President, Director of Fleet Car Services, and Chancellor...we didn't lose our fleet privileges (I wasn't driving THAT van, by the way), but came awfully close that day...did I mention that the van was also found wrapped around a tree on an icy Wisconsin road?
The keg that was tapped in my van left no traces behind. I did not drive off the road.
I did get to undergo additional fleet car driver training as a result of this unfortunate accident.
What is the moral? (say it with me) ALWAYS clean up after yourself! I mean, don't drink and drive.
I'm still working on getting my littlest to watch the road when she is driving the Pink Barbie car Santa brought (she prefers to look around!)
I say you ground him, take away his car for a week. Computer, too. Make HIM sign a contract that he won't drink and drive, tape it to the fridge.
him signing a contract for the girls is an interesting idea...
I would be too! All you go to to impress upon these fearless minds can be undone in a single moment. But the fact that you expect the same of him that you do of your girls, and you showed them that, is important too. Unfortunate as it is that this happened at all, there is still good learning here. People you respect will sometimes make mistakes and also will sometimes do things you don't respect. That is also a part of life that teenagers need to be equipped to deal with. Now how to handle it as a parent? I think you did. And did it well.
BUSTED!
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