Buy those terrorists a little white puppy.
Seriously.
All terrorists will quit their malevolent shite, immediately. They will be pacifists. And all will be solved. Tomorrow, when I'm sober, remind me to suggest this to Charley. (Charley is a GitMo lawyer I know. He's a blogger too. But I knew him as a lawyer first.)
Damn. Scuze me. I must go pick up poo.
Anyhow, as I was saying...if you buy all accused terrorists little white puppies to torture them, they will reform. I promise.
Car-man and I sent off the girls to be with my parents for 5-10 days...depending on the girl. So we went out for dinner and drinks and left the puppy at home for two 2-3 hour stretches. She apparently found that an ideal time to nap...damn her...and how she is a friggin spaz just as I'd like to enjoy my Tiramisu Martini buzz (well, first there was the Dirty Blue Martini...mmmm). Instead, I'm sitting in the backyard...alternatingly freezing and sweating (stupid super humid 74 degree evening...so I can't decide if I'm cold or hot)...watch the dog run around like a steroid pumped guinea pig. (I figure a 5.3 pound guinea pig would have to be on steroids, right?) Getting eaten alive by kamikaze mosquitoes.
Why does my dog eat rocks? Seriously? Big ones she uses as a teether. Little ones, she tries to swallow. It's like trying to keep a toddler from eating the hair covered sucker they find under the couch.
And now I have to take care of this little fur covered super-bouncy ball for four days without the assistance of my live in slave-capade. Damn.
And here's the really sad thing...you just know this dog is going to howl all night because Eldest is gone. It's going to be just like having a newborn. I think I'll go sleep at Tonkelu's place. Her three month old baby might be more fun than a middle-of-the-night puppy.
Ok. I have to go. She is trying to eat the leg of my patio table.
Arrgh.
20 comments:
Puppies aren't as cute when I am drinking too.
My favorite part? The steroid pumped guinea pig visual.
A-boing, a-boing, a-boing, a-boing!
Hope you get some sleep tonight!
You can sleep here if you bring martini fixings. Also, Hope could have pica.
Perfect. I needed a reminder of why I do NOT really want a puppy, despite the fact that I just saw a sign for the cutest lil guys... and couldn't stop thinking about puppy breath.
But, the rock eating, whining, furniture chewing, etc... yep, I've regained my sanity now.
THANK YOU!!!
Bwah-ha-ha! I am laughing so hard right now! Makes me all of a sudden glad I do not have a dog. Or kids.
Maybe what you really need is one more martini! (What the heck is a "Dirty Blue Martini" anyway?)
Thanks Kay, now I can't quit thinking about puppy breath. Mmmm, ahhh. Sick, I know.
I kind of got caught up in the tiramisu martini thing. Yummmmmm.
It's so true how puppies are like newborns. I think I'm happy to be past both those stages!
Hope you got some sleep!
ha! Thanks for the drink lesson. I knew what a "Dirty" martini was, but where I am there is a bar that has built a whole reputation out of Blue Martinis and they are sweet, with blue curacao. So the idea of the combination of the 2 of them sounded nasty...
So thanks for clearing that up!
(for those wondering: Dirty=olive juice, Blue=bleu cheese stuffed olives)
at least your dog didn't knock an entire medium pepperoni pizza off your desk onto your white down comforter while you were out.
don't ask why i had a whole pizza not touched. or why it was so close to my bed... hmmm :-\
maybe ESPRESSO martinis would help you keep up with Hope! haha :)
OMG! I remember the puppy whining days. Do not envy you there, but just as with babies, the whining does stop but the poopin does not.
Not a big martini fan after a night of OMG martinies. Have no idea what the first one was I had but the last two were called chocolate love. They did not love me very much later in the night or the ENTIRE next day. Have not had one since.
Love you and carman got some alone time. I know MD and I have needed ours to remind us why we are together, and it does help unite our front with the boy once again.
Are you sober yet?
Welcome to the land of puppydom! I can't tell you how many things our guy has eaten....but the best was when he pooped out a pair of my daughter's underwear. Gotta love them though, they are so darn cute!
Here's what 2.5 glasses of red wine will do to you...I feel compelled to top Andrea by revealing that many years ago velo-dude and I watched a friend's sweetly crazy dog. The next day, she pooped out a used er, ah, prophylactic device that she had (unbeknownst to us) fished out of our garbage. She did not poop at our house, mind you, but back at our friend's house, and unfortunately discovered by our friends. Yeah, we heard about that one for a while.
A Dirty Blue martini sounds delish right about now, but I think I'd better stop and go to bed.
Doggie benadryl cuz they don't like martinis. I won't tell.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN! Our little furball is 15 weeks now, and the last two mornings were the first he let us sleep past 4:30. Then when we'd collapse at 8pm on the couch and fall asleep, he'd trash the place. But ahh...the snuggles!!
Why not stick her in her kennel, put the kennel in the (finished) basement and go to sleep? You won't hear her, she'll survive and learn her place and everyone will be rested and happy.
Susan is right, benedryl will calm the doggie right down. Don't ask me how I know.
Our puppy ate rocks too. What is that?!
Slave-capade.
Awesome word. Think I might add that to the OIGDoCE :)
Post a Comment