the stuff taking up my brain space, vol. II

As I said, part of the space in my brain has been taken up with dying and funerals. Five deaths in six weeks...I only made four of the funerals.

Some of it has been in the natural course...my great-uncle who made homemade ice cream on his 89th birthday and died 48 hours later...my friend's 90 year old father, who had advanced Alzheimer's...my other friend's 81 year old father who was diagnosed with cancer after it was already metastasized and lived just a few weeks.

Some of it has left me really, really raw.

Peg...the 48 year-old mother of two boys just 13 and 18...who finally lost a seven year battle to breast cancer. A funeral with 10,000 paper cranes and friends who talked about meeting her in Paris and a younger sister who adored her passionately and female friends who all came bedecked in pink and a two grades of kids who lined the aisle of the church, wearing pink ribbons to honor the amazing mother of their friend.

Peg will forever be my reminder NOT to put off lunch with a friend. I knew better. I just didn't do better. Breast cancer runs in my family. Peg...and her illness...and her dignity...and her privacy...scared me. Don't put off lunch with a friend.

Or Rick, the 55 year-old father of classmates of my kids, who lost a battle with pancreatic cancer but outlived his death sentence by 18 months. A man I've known for over 10 years. He was the most faith-based person I ever met and in him, it didn't offend me. His belief radiated. And what amazed me is that he COULD believe. One of his sons was molested. It was well known at the grade school...the kids all got counseled about it. It was discussed openly at school. The molester was Rick's best-friend, who he met at church. Yet he believed. And then he learned he had one of the most virulent cancers around...and lived way beyond the 4 measly months they gave him. He lived because he knew his kids weren't ready for him to leave. A few months after he was diagnosed, I called and we talked. And he told me he knew that this disease would be his end but that he wasn't leaving soon. He was so right. And I so admired him and the way he faced his challenges. And for a long time his sons were pretty messed up but I think he stayed long enough to help them see a bigger picture. That bad things in life are just things...they aren't YOU. Those kids eulogized him...a 16 year old girl and twin 14 year old boys. They were eloquent and lovely. Rick (and Pat, his wife) should be so very proud.

So last night, I'm watching my favorite TV ever...So You Think You Can Dance. And there was this amazing piece choreographed about breast cancer. And all of a sudden I was weeping. My girls were a little shocked, but it sort of brought out exactly why all this death has been taking up a lot of space in my brain.

Here it is.

Watch it.

Really.

For Peg...