As an aside, my hairdresser and I were discussing the show this week. (As one of my friends says, EVERY woman of a certain age needs a gay hairdresser!) He watches obsessively too. I told him of my love for Christian and he said, “Nooooo. He’s way too Nelly for me.” Um. That stopped me cold. I paused. I felt like a fool. I did not get the reference. I felt STUPID. Then he added, “People always say that about me—say I’m a girl—so I don’t like it in him.” Hmm. Ok, there’s some context. And it may explain why I love Christian—he’s like Ty. Except he’s not, really. Ok, maybe just a tad. Anyhow, I’ve now looked it up and according to the Dictionary of Queer Slang and Culture, “nelly” is like “swish” meaning, “1) (adj) effeminate and flamboyant 2) (verb) to act or move effeminately or flamboyantly.” So there’s your new vocabulary word for the day. (Although, you probably already knew it, thereby proving my lamosity.)
Back to the show. Heidi brings out models . . . with ridiculous hair-dos. Really bizarre, out of this world hair. The designers are told they will design something “avant-garde” based on their model’s hair.
Heidi passes kisses all around and they are off to the workroom.
In the workroom, Tim announces that the outfits they make do not have to be practical or even wearable. Ok. THAT should be interesting. Because, two shows ago, they were sewing outfits out of candy. Was that supposed to be wearable? (Gosh, there’s an idea . . . I’ll slather myself in glue and roll around in M&Ms. Viola. Wearable fashion.) But then Tim drops the H-bomb. They must work in teams. Several of them look as though they have received death sentences. (Ok. Designers . . . hello? Welcome to the REAL world. It’s what most of us do at work.) And the teams are . . .
1. Kit & Ricky—I think that’s a pretty good pair-up, truthfully.
2. Sweet Pea & Rami—THEY are excited to be together. So that looks promising.
3. Chris & Christian—YEAH baby. That’s what I’m talking about! A team made in heaven . . . if everyone in heaven wears wild costumes in drag and repeats the word, “FABULOUS!” twice in every sentence.
4. Victorya & Jillian—Hmm. Interesting. Victorya has been unpleasant in other partner challenges. That lady WILL throw you under the bus and feel not a moments regret. Poor Ricky nearly got guillotined by her. Jillian seems a bit too timid to deal with Victerrora.
Four pretty evenly matched groups. So, I’m pretty much loving the teams. They each meet to pick one hairstyle as their muse (a team has two models and thus two choices of hairstyle). Here are the themes that the teams derived from their selected hairstyles:
- Team one picks a hairstyle that reminds them of a nest. So their “theme” is nesting. Hmm. How avant-garde . . . NOT. They are talking aprons. What? Couture aprons. Aprons are pretty much the antithesis of couture in my mind. Was The Beaver’s mom couture? I think not. Alice in Wonderland? Nope. Aprons are not high fashion. Then Ricky starts talking about how the dress will be the “girl in me” and, referring to Kit, “the bitch in you”. He REALLY needs to stop with this new theme of the “girl in me”. It was disturbingly funny last week. It’s just kind of sorry this week.
- Team two is going to use the theme of hard and soft. That should be pretty interesting. I’m intrigued.
- Team three, isn't really talking theme. They just begin discussing organza . . . organza discs. Okie dokie. And, being my favorite nelly on the show, Christian adorably says, “If I was a diva, my name would be ‘ferosh’”. (That’s as in “ferocious”. Not quite sure how to spell it.) So apparently, his name is now Ferosh, because he’s clearly a diva.
- Finally, team four, who, the more I think about it, is incredibly strong, comes up with the theme of apocalyptic/punk/rebellion. (Their hairstyle is a faux-hawk.) I love, love this theme. I could have a relationship with that theme. I have a warm and fuzzy feeling about these girls. Of course, the girls in team three are equally tantalizing.
The teams are given two days, have to pick a leader and will be given $300. They are off to the fabric store, Mood. This is all rather dull, other than the fact that Christian and Chris are buying 40+ yards of fabric. Holy bolts of organza. A football field is 100 yards. Just how do you put 40 yards of fabric on the human body? Are they going to make a building out of that fabric? (For those of you that don’t sew, five yards would be a LOT of fabric to buy for a dress.)
They start sewing. No drama. Damn. But . . . enticingly, right before a break, Victorya teases me with talk of horror and nausea. YEAH!
Oh, I forgot to mention. Rami isn't’t listening to Sweet Pea. They are bickering. Whatever. It’s not satisfying drama. Sweet Pea is pissed; Rami is doing his own thing. Sounds like marriage.
Tim makes a “special announcement,” which is Runway code for, "Nah-nah-nah-nee-boo-boo. We're going to mess with you!“ Most of the designers either look sick or like the proverbial deer in headlights when they are told they have to create, “Another look.” In other words, they must have two outfits go down the runway—tomorrow. They must create a ready-wear item inspired by their non-wearable, avant-garde piece. It must be something, “Saleable.” I’ve decided this word means that it must be something that those of us living outside New York will wear. They are given an additional $50, an extra hour to sew (WTH?), and, generously, 15 minutes to plan the new outfit. (Wow.)
More shopping. More sewing. Snore.
Ahh! Wake-up. Fun stuff! I cannot properly give you the image here—just NOT talented enough—but Christian begins mimicking the models. They are all there, so he’s not making fun, he’s just hysterically being a high-fashion model. He’s good and he’s FUNNY. The models are roaring with laughter.
Eventually, the TRESemme head hairstylist comes in and says he will translate the crazy-ass hairstyles into something real for the ready-to-wear outfit. Remember, one of these hairstyles looks like a bird’s nest. I think one of my daughters could SOO do that hairstyle. It’d pretty much be done when she climbs out of bed! (I affectionately call it her dead squirrel. Aren't I nice?)
Well, I’m feeling bad about my favorites in this challenge, Jillian and Victorya. At the end of the second night, they still haven’t STARTED their second, wearable outfit. The Runway show is the next day and they haven’t started. It’s looking bad for them even though their avant-garde outfit is looking fan-freaking-tastic.
The next morning the models are all dolled up in the crazy hair and make-up. Victorya and Jillian are sewing like possessed demons. Looks like they’ll get something on their second model. Not holding my breath on this one.
It’s time for the Runway show!
Rami and Sweet Pea’s outfits come out. Their avant-garde piece is . . . odd. And not in the good, cool, couture kind of way. Rather, it’s a sort of blah-colored evening gown (beautifully draped, by the way) over navy blue, high-waisted, polyester, mom-butt pants. I am NOT understanding the pants. Putting a dress over bad pants does not make something high-fashion. However, the ready-to-wear dress that Sweet Pea did is really great. By the end of this show, it will be my favorite of the wearable stuff. I would wear it, if it were longer.
When the avant-garde outfit of Chris and Christian comes out, Chris predicted accurately, everyone’s jaw hit the ground. It is definitely avant-garde; it’s huge, tan, bizarre, couture, beautiful, and amazingly constructed. It’s sensational—in every meaning of that word. The accompanying wearable outfit is a skirt and blouse. It’s kind of suity, tasteful and nice. Christian pronounces himself, “10,000 times happy.”
Then I feel like crying. The avant-garde look by Ricky and Kit comes out. It’s sad. It’s like Little House on the Prairie had sex with the Renaissance and this is its love child. Blech. (This is the “nesting” outfit. More like “nasting”.)
But then out comes the hip, punk, rebellion outfit made by Jillian and Victorya. It’s VERY cool. It’s a black coat of taffeta, with hot-pink tartan accents. It’s bigger than life—covered in ruffles and falling open at the waist. Underneath are tan jodhpurs—yup, riding pants, with a black and white ruffled inset on the butt (remember this isn’t supposed to be wearable) and a really cool white ruffled shirt. It’s classic, high-style punk. Yet it's old style, 70-80’s punk. I’m loving it!
The judges announce the two teams with the lowest scores: Rami/Sweet Pea and Kit/Ricky. I agree.
The judges tell Chris/Christian that their outfits are “romantic” and “old world.” They recognize the avant-garde look as “very complicated,” and tell them it is, “amazing” and “looks beautifully crafted.” Michael Kors actually pronouncing it, “Important and exciting.” (I think that’s probably a REALLY big compliment.) Nina (the fashion director of Elle magazine), says the outfits are “shoot ready” and “could be a cover trial.” Again, big compliments.
The avant-garde look of Jillian/Victorya is called, “Punk with an equestrian motif.” The judges think the pink/black tartan additions are “cute,” especially on the ready-to-wear. Once they have the model take off the big black coat, the look underneath is shown for the first time. The judges are impressed that there are actually three looks sewn by these two and say so. Unfortunately, Victerrora shouts out, “So we should win!” Um. She doesn’t get to decide. But she definitely likes to be in charge, doesn’t she?
As the judges are critiquing the lowest scores, the most interesting dialog is about the Kit/Ricky look. In what is turning out to be the death-knell criticism of this season, their dress is pronounced “cheap”. It reminds them of Scarlett O’Hara. Kors jogs our memory that Scarlett pulled down the dining room drapes and made a great, couture dress. But their look appears to be made poorly, from the sheets. Ouch. Nonetheless, I concur. In the end, Kit is out. She was the leader of her team and she did not think avant-garde. Her ready-to-wear was “amateur”. She is “fashion backward, not in a good way.”
And the winner is . . . Christian . . . er, Ferosh. He lead “Team Fierce.” Their look will be featured in a new TRESemme ad that will run in Elle. He also has immunity for next week. In his final interview of the show, Christian says, “Team Fierce. It was total destiny.” Love it.
1 comment:
I think you would look ravishing wearing M & M's.
Especially blue ones. I like blue.
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