a downright artsy runway (reposted here)

We start with the obligatory artsy shots of NYC architecture and skip to the “inside the designers’ apartments scene. There are only five of them left. Sweet P expresses surprise that Ricky went home. (You and me both, sweetheart.) She thought it would be her. (Too bad it wasn’t.) Chris tells us lots of the designers “are freaking out” but he assures us he’s “used to the moment when you just have to do it.”

Then it’s Rami’s turn to talk. Blah, blah, blah . . . I want to win . . . . He’s BORING.

We skip to the designers’ meeting with Heidi. She tells them the next challenge will decide which three of the five will make it to Fashion Week. In other words, TWO of them will be out. Heidi tells them they will take “one last field trip.” Tim is waiting for them at 5th Avenue and 82nd Street. “See you on the Runway!” Many of them look as if the announcement of the field trip is to Dante’s ninth circle of hell. Now that I think about it, most of them would probably he headed to the seventh circle.

Off set our intrepid designers, trekking through the streets of NYC, speculating on where they are headed. They find Tim standing on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He points out it is one of the “premier arts and cultural institutions in the world.” Are you yawning?

“Follow me inside.”

The museum is empty. It appears no one is there but Tim and our five designers. Jillian tells us, “Nothing is more phenomenal and inspiring in this country.” (Do they get to stay on the show if they say precisely the right thing all the time? Produce placement prostitutes!)

Now it’s time for Tim’s speech, “Designers, throughout time, art has served as a critical and essential inspiration for fashion.” They are told to chose a work of art as inspiration for a look of their choice. This is really a pretty cool challenge. I love art museums, so I would adore alone time in THAT particular museum. (Anybody read the book “From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler”? It’s set in the museum. I read it with one of my girl's book clubs and I WANTED to be those kids. Still. I'm not really grown up yet.)

“Amazing,” Jillian breathes as she looks around. They are given three galleries from which to chose their inspiration: the Greek and Roman sculpture courtyard, the European painting wing and the Temple of Dendor. They are given 45 minutes to seek out their inspiration and cameras to record the art. (I doubt mere mortals can take pictures in there!) “Let’s go,” says Tim.
They start in the sculpture courtyard and Rami is already salivating with all the draped, headless torsos. Heck, it’s more than salivating . . . is that a pickle in his pocket? (Am I using that line too much in these blogs?)

To the camera he says, “Nothing could be better for me.” “The statute of Aphrodite was sort of like a soul mate situation for me; it was like instantly meeting my match.” Dude. She’s made from stone. Without a head. Or arms. Who knows? Maybe that’s the way he likes his girls! Headless, armless and cold.

Next they move to the European paintings. Here, Christian is very excited. He tells us he loves European art. He begins hyperventilating over a Spanish military portrait. It’s a picture of a MAN!! A big HAIRY MAN. A man with a head of hair that belongs on Sasquatch. I wonder if Christian has noticed that his model has boobs . . . (well, anorexic, skinny girl boobs) . . . but boobs. She’s a GIRL. NOT a big hairy man.

Chris is also pleased with this gallery because, as he says, “Let’s face it. They have actual clothing on people” in this gallery.

The temple is very interesting but it doesn’t seem to be inspiring the designers (other than inspiring them to make a Joan Rivers joke--"Look Joan Rivers etched her initials in here!" Har har.) It is explained that this temple was basically lifted from Egypt and put in the museum. It’s incredible to see but, gee, seems a bit odd to steal another culture’s buildings for our museums, huh? Sometimes I wonder about western civilization.

Sweet P tells us she took 238 pictures in the museum! Holy crap-loads of pictures. That’s a LOT for 45 minutes of photography.

They are told they must chose one photo as their inspiration, they are given one hour to sketch, $300 for supplies and two days to sew. They are also told that the hairstyling and make-up for their look will be critical to scoring the challenge.

Christian begins sketching and tells us that he is going to do a female-version of a man’s outfit. How very Annie Hall. He assures us it will be high fashion and avant-garde. “Zorro-like.” He wants to “Wow them. Not be safe.” He’s probably capable of that.

Sweet P is inspired by a Dutch painting of peacocks. It seems inspiring. Great colors . . . a train perhaps? Gah, I hope she’ll avoid the use of REAL feathers. I don’t like feathers.

Anybody want to guess what Rami picked? It’s not hard to figure that out. Grecian DRAPING. He tells us he is, “not shameful about selecting Aphrodite. This is what I do.” And it’s looking more and more like it’s the ONLY thing he does.

Jillian is moved by the “Master of the Argonauts” but she wants to do it on the edgy-side. I’m not enthused or engaged by this picture but . . . to say it in the way that can really only be delivered by a petulant teenager . . . whatever.

A portrait of an 18th century noblewoman excited Chris. He is moved by her dress and wants to do a super couture version. A quick comment about this painting. This lady has a HUGE bow on the front of her dress. Now having been a bride of the 80’s, I am no fan of bows. I still have nightmares about the butt bow on my wedding dress. So who, precisely, is going to want a bow on their FRONT?

They shop for fabric and return to begin work.

In the workroom, Christian is working on something gigantic and white. Chris looks at it and says, ”Honey, is there any fabric left at Mood?” Tee hee. Honey! Giggle.

Then Jillian is looking at all the work Christian is doing and asks, “Is he making a collection?” Apparently Christian is sewing items at the pace of a whirling dervish.

Jillian and Christian are getting on each other’s nerves so he quips, “Don’t get bitchy. Daaaayamn.” Jillian just says, “He’s REALLY arrogant.” Agreed.

Christian thinks Chris’ dress is “very costume-like and over the top.” He says it is similar to what “me and him” already created, pronouncing the similarity “a little weird.” I am SOOO distracted by the grammar that I can hardly function. “Me and him? Me and him?” ARRRGH!!!!! This makes me nuts. He sounds sooooooo uneducated. (Just a moment. Got to go lock up my geek again. BRB.)

Chris is happy with his dress though. When he sees his model in the dress he says, “Sick, Sick. Fabulous.”

Again, Jillian is behind. Yeah, breaking news, that one.

Tim comes in to introduce a “special guest.” Everyone looks like puking. But it’s Collier Strong, the consulting designer for L’Oreal. Not some scary new twist in their project. He’s going to help design the hair and make-up. Make-up is going to be “part of the artistic impression.” Ooo-la-la, so hoity-toity!

Christian suddenly realizes, “This is too much collar, even for ME!” Then he gets “all about me” and talks about how his designs all have a “European, classic effect.” And how, “I have the most cohesive ideas out of everyone.” Vain much?

Tim comes to look at outfits. He wonders whether Chris’s is “Wowable?” Chris assures him it is. But Tim doesn’t think it’s refined enough. Walking off, he mutters, “I’m worried.” Gah! Chris, my boy, listen to Tim! He’s the God of design. You CAN’T LOSE. What would Bryant Park be like without you! Waaahhh!!!!

Tim tells Christian, “I love the white shirt.” “I do too,” says Christian, “It’s fabulous. And the blouse looks SO good on me.” They giggle with each other. “That’s all that really matters!” chortles Tim. “It is!” quips Christian. Tee hee. Giggle. Oooo scary eyes. NOOO. Tim is too classy for Christian. Puhleeze. No more flirty scenes between those two. Barf.

Then Tim realizes he’s flirting instead of critiquing (thank the fashion gods for this). He seriously asks whether all the pieces of Christian’s design result in “obfuscation.” (Yeah, had to spell check that one.) Christian tries to convince him it’ll be ok and Tim says, “I’m just saying, it’s the last challenge!” Then, confirming that I still love Christian a wee bit, he says, “I know, lady! Don’t you worry.” Ha.

Sweet P’s peacock is “not feathery,” says Tim. “It’s not apparent that it’s a peacock.” I find the lack of feathers reassuring but not so much for Tim.

Jillian’s outfit is pronounced “gorgeous.” But, she’s worried about finishing. Again. Snore.
Rami’s dress is stunning. But Tim says, “Nina is going to say, ‘I’ve seen this before.’” Yup. I’ve seen it before too. I think the dress Grammy wore at my wedding was made out of the same violet fabric!

Wait. Stop. Rami is wearing a grey, sweatery t-shirt. And . . . he was apparently attacked by a flock of t-shirt eating moths. It’s covered in holes. Moth holes. Why???? That’s a VERY odd shirt. Shirt aside, the judges are going to crucify him for draping again.

It’s the day of the show. In the morning, Christian is getting ready. He says, “Oh my God! I have to look amazing." So he’s making sure his “hair was extra fierce.” He’s flat-ironing it, folks! One of the girls looked at me and said, “Do boys flat iron their hair?” Anybody want to help me with an answer?

Let me stop for a moment of product placement. (Maybe they’ll pay me too!) Don’t forget to use the Bluefly.com accessory wall! Now I’m a product placement prostitute too!

As they get ready for the runway show, Tim tells them to, “Send Nina’s shoes flying across that runway. DO IT!” Err. What?

Sweet P is sewing like a fiend, trying to finish. Her model is doing something VERY strange. She appears to be gathering powers from the air with her hands and sending them to Sweet P. Sweet P says, “Are you doing your . . . thing?” The model says she’s sending her Sweet P confidence and peace. WTH?

The sleeves on Christian’s outfits are like two Goodyear blimps. Jillian calls them “marshmellowy”. Ha. He’s confident they are “so fierce.”

Chris is blathering about how the pewter fabric he picked “is moldable.” He’s “at peace” because he “loves what I made.” To him, “Bryant Park would be like lottery. I don’t count on it but I don’t count it out either.” The dress is pretty cool.

While they are doing make-up, Christian says his model must have, “Eyebrows for days! SOOo cool.” Then they show Jillian steaming her model’s butt. Gosh, I hope she doesn't have butt singe!

It’s time for the runway show!!!! The judges include regulars Heidi Klum, Michael Kors and Nina Garcia. This week, the guest judge is Roberto Cavalli. Wow.

Chris’s sand and pewter gown comes down the runway first. It’s very couture. And very familiar. It does look a lot like the avant-garde piece he did with Christian.

Next is Christian’s model. She is wearing a shawl thing, a vest, breeches, tights and the marshmallow blouse. LOTS of clothes on this one.

Rami’s violet draped dress is lovely as it comes down the runway. It’s very been-Rami-done-that.

Sweet P’s dress is cute but a bit understated for this last challenge. There’s not much wow in this dress.

Jillian sends a gold mini-dress under a black jacket down the runway. “I love that,” gushes the elder teen. I, on the other hand, just think it’s fine. We've got an apparent age-gap!

As they are being scored, Cavalli tells Christian he loves the outfit because he knows how much love goes into “something like that”. They all love the details of the shirt. Nina likes the “show”. Kors says it is, “Super, super, super chic.”

Cavalli says, “Chris is the most artistic of all of you.” Christian actually turns a funny color of puce green. Cavalli can see Chris “show in the future your collection in Paris. Maybe in the haute couture.” Chris who is swooning from the praise, says, “That’s what I love.” But Kors and Nina dress-him down for doing the same thing again.

They like Jillian’s interpretation and how she keeps surprising them. Cavalli says she can be on his staff. Ouch. While that might have been intended as praise . . . still . . . ouch. Christian is about love. Chris is haute couture, artistic. She can be on his staff. Ouch.

Sweet P is told hers is “wearable and flattering” but it is the item “to sell in the showroom but it’s not the SHOW.” Cavalli wants something more special.

Rami's dress, predictably, ignites the judges. Same old, same old. Rami talks about how passionate he is about draping. Passion isn’t going to save him. Cavalli says it’s too normal. Kors expected more. And although Heidi would like to wear it, it’s predictable.

In the end, Christian is the winner and has a spot at fashion week. He leaves the runway skipping and snapping.

Jillian is also safe.

Sweet P is out. They believe in her talent but it’s not enough. Chris and Rami are left. The judges are all tied in knots. So they decide each of them gets to make a collection and come to Fashion Week. But the third designer to show at Bryant Park will be selected based on the three strongest looks from their collection. This is a first. It should make for an electric final!
Poor, poor Sweet P. She’s not even good enough for the design-off. But she’s so sweet (ha, that’s punny), she thinks they both deserve it. I love graciousness.