I am so angry at Eldest's ex-boyfriend I cannot find words to express it.
He is a grade A piece of crap. A poor excuse for a human being.
He took her fragile little soul and beat the shit out of it.
And her self-esteem is somewhere in the dry dust region right now.
Thanks to how cruel he was, she was on the verge of suicide Saturday night/Sunday morning.
Today, on Facebook, I told him not to talk to her again. His response included telling me he was just "following my heart", that "i'm a mean person" (referring to himself, not me) and "i very cruelly took that opportunity to express all my negative feelings regarding our relationship. my way of coping/getting over our relationship, if you will."
Oh yeah. That made it all better. Now I understand why he shredded her heart. It's so much more acceptable now that he admits he is mean and it was his coping mechanism.
How detached and unfeeling can you get?
I do think he's smart enough to stay away from her. And if not? The momma-bitch, lawyer will be all over his ass with a restraining order.
There is something seriously wrong with that kid. He has this brilliant mind. Not kidding. Mensa, headed for the Ivy League, really, really smart kid. Wait, not smart, intelligent ... intellectual. But he is f*cked up. Big time.
And now, so is my kid. She still thinks this is THE love of her life. She still wants him back?!? And then alternatingly, wants to flip him off and burn the bear he gave her. And then tells me about other cute boys. And then wants to know what makes her unlovable. And then realizes he was intentionally cruel. And then cries about how they were so in love and so happy ... at the beginning.
Ugh. Just ugh.
And can I just tell you how relieved I am that she DID NOT lose her virginity to this asshat?
Ms. Picket recommended this song for Eldest. I simply love it ... and it kinda applies to me too because as I've guided (as much as any parent of a teen can every guide anything) ... I've questioned my own judgment about a million times.
(The song is WAY more satisfiying with the swear words inlcuded. Download it and sing it at the top of your lungs!)
So, what the fuck was I thinking? All you with young daughters ... tie them up, keep them away from boys.
16 comments:
You may both wish this had never happened...but as long as she has her family and friends to get her through, this experience will only make her stronger in the end.
I have made so many mistakes in my life, and while I wish I could take it all back, I don't really regret any of them, because I know that I am who I am today as a result of all those lessons learned. I've been at the bottom, but I've always managed to come out on top in the end, even if the road to get there was miles and miles long.
Soon she will see that he is not worth it, that she is so much better and deserves so much better. It's always darkest before the dawn, as they say. I've been exactly where she is right now. I have felt that ripping heartache, felt that blackest despair. But here I am, standing on my own two feet, happier than I've ever been. She will get there. She just needs to hang on for now and ride it out.
And, oh, the joy when despair finally fades away, when the sun begins to shine again. There's nothing like it.
Thanks Davi. I intellectually know all you said...but it is so difficult to watch it happen to her. Like I wrote some time ago, I didn't know my heart would break alongside hers. No wonder the teen years are so hard on moms. It's like living through that hell again.
My heart breaks for both of you.
I'm so angry I'm shaking!!!
It's those brilliant f**d up one's you gotta watch for.
So sorry she's going through this... stay close by her side. She might hate it now but she'll thank you later.
I wish I had some perfect words of advice but all I can come up with is this too shall pass.
Hey Laggin,
Now I will be buying firearms and any future boyfriends will know of their existence.
Seriously, though. This kid sounds abusive and Eldest needs to steer clear. (Not like you don't know that already.) There are plenty of good guys who will treat her right.
Z-n-T...I stay very, very close. :)
Russ...The thing is, this kid was sooo good at masking this side of himself that we were genuinely taken with him. I am stunned that I missed this. But I will learn from it too. And he will get NO WHERE near her.
Driving to your town pronto to run over stupid boy. They won't be able to tie it back to you. Swear.
Carolyn...you make me smile.
tying up my two daughters, or at least teaching them a swift and powerful right hook, but maybe more importantly: WILL KICK MY SONS ASS IF HE EVER PULLS ANYTHING LIKE THIS EVER.
pack that boy off to college early. ban him from coming back. let him try to manipulate someone else.
I am always suspicious of those boys that are too perfect, they always seem to turn out to be the slimiest.
The one who makes you cry isn't worth your tears. The one who is worth your tears would never make you cry.
I want a guy that I can go to with mascara running down my cheeks, and the first thing he says is, "who's azz am I kickin"
"In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday...."
I'm not afraid to cry, but I won't give you the satisfaction of seeing my tears.
Yup, Picket, that's really important.
Rowan...love you girl. The horrid thing is that Asshat used that "won't make you cry" line on Eldest. And frequently volunteered to kick ass of people who hurt her. Wonder if we can get him to kick his own ass?
When you think she's recovered enough, or decides that it's just time for her to take a moment to just scream ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzkoKDCcQqs
Sing, by the Dresden Dolls.
OH, and by the way, I'm pretty sure I'm bigger than him. KC's not that hard to get to...
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step
off into the darkness of the unknown, of this we can be sure...
either God will provide something solid to stand on or we will be
taught to fly."
So sorry to hear things are still rough for eldest. This quote has helped me through many a tough time and I hope she can embrace it sometime soon. You're a good mom, I know she's in the best of hands. My thoughts are with you.
RW
Sisk...my dear, dear Gayzilla!
RW, Thanks hun. I read that quote to her. I "think" she listened. Hard to tell...but YOU know that.
I know you're angry, and with good reason-- you both have my sympathies. I think in a calmer moment you'd acknowledge it's a two-way street-- even young boys (just not this one, it seems) seem to need locking up away from cruel girls sharpening their claws in adolescence.
I plan some shouting and threatening for the people both of my kids date/stop dating/etc. one day. One day far, far away, I hope...
Once again you have my sympathy, and I hope this comment was helpful instead of annoying.
Absolutely Dan...cruelty knows no gender.
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