the girl's got balls...

...and they make her kinda stupid.

Eldest has herself in an less than pleasant place.

Here's the back story. She's got a friend who we shall call Austin. Austin is a girl. Austin comes from a rough place. She grew up in a Hispanic, gang part of our city. Austin's mom works a million hours to put Austin through the private Catholic high school which Eldest and Austin attend. She drives Austin out to the school 30+ minutes from where they live and drops her off at 6:30 in the morning. She drives back to the school and picks Austin up at 6 p.m. at night. I totally admire what she's doing. It cannot be easy to raise a kid by yourself; it cannot be easy to survive living with a teenager, by yourself.

Austin is fundamentally a nice kid. She's a good person. But, as you can imagine, life's been a little rough for Austin.

Austin is crazy protective of Eldest. Here's an example...when the Ex was acting all nuts and busting apart Eldest's heart? Austin called out the gang guys in her neighborhood and was sending them after Ex. While I certainly had my moment of glee at the thought, it quickly turned to horror. This. Kid. Knows. Gang. Members. For. Reals.

I talked Austin off the edge of that very bad decision. What did I say? "Austin, you and I both know Eldest very well. You know Eldest would not approve, even if she was in any mental condition to hate this asshole, she would never want anyone to resort to violence." And I had Austin at "You know it." Because? Eldest is a truly a non-hater. She wouldn't want anyone to be physically hurt. Ever. To my knowledge, despite Austin's wishes, Ex remains in one physical piece.

So here's the current dilemma...one Friday night a couple of weekends ago, Eldest decided not to go to the high school football game. It's not her scene. Austin wanted to go, so she went with a Junior girl, we shall call Emma. Emma brought beer and pot; Emma and Austin did a little pre-partying before the game.

Austin confided this to one of Eldest's guy friends, who confided it to Eldest because this guy was worried about Austin.

Eldest was shocked.

Now an aside here. I personally was no saint in high school. Or even in middle school. I snuck margarine tubs full of liquor before middle school dances. I was never much for weed in high school...but I can't claim to have never inhaled. But my kids are cut from different cloth entirely. They are not in that scene ... at all. And how can I be so sure? Read on. Read on.

As I said, Eldest was shocked. She immediately came to me and said, "You need to call Austin's mom." My stomach dropped. I know this woman, but not that well. So I talked to Eldest some more. And I confirmed that Eldest only knew gossip. We discussed the nature of gossip and it's lack of reliability.

So what did Eldest do? She talked to Austin. She got the story directly from Austin. Mom says gossip isn't good evidence? Go get real evidence. She confirmed what Austin had done. AND she learned that Emma might be doing a little light supplying at the school.

And then? She went to the school resource officer and reported Emma. Um hum. You read that right. She told the officer she wouldn't reveal the other girl's name--she tried to keep Austin's name out of it. The officer told her she didn't need to reveal the other name.

Emma was questioned and made an admission. Emma's mom was called. Emma got in school suspension. However, Emma coughed up Austin's name. Austin's mom got called. Austin got in school suspension.

And I'm sitting at home going...sputter, splat, cough...you did WHAT? And I'm thinking...well, hell, that takes cajones. But, dude, did you think about making enemies? Did you think about repercussions?

Well, clearly, no, she did not. Rather, she did what she thought was right. Without discussing it with me again. Without trying to protect her own backside. It makes me proud but....but...but...

How the hell do you deal with this from the parental perspective?

When I asked, "So, um, what was your thought process?" (I was trying not to utter a very loud "WHY?" and was stifling the phrase, "What the F*** were you thinking? You've got the girl who deals as your enemy?" Because you really don't want to have to say that to your kid.)

Eldest explained that lots of things were going wrong for Austin. She was letting her grades slide, she was hanging out with friends who weren't good for her, she was messing with alcohol and drugs and was generally sliding into a no-good place. Eldest said she couldn't talk Austin out of this behavior. She was also concerned about the using and driving. So Eldest decided to try and protect Austin from Emma. (Oh. My. Hell.)

But I proudly sat there and thought...God. You are a way better person than me.

And you know what? It worked. Austin isn't mad. Austin has Facebooked about how this was a learning experience. I've read it. Austin seems to be turning over a new leaf. Austin and Eldest and group of other girls (girls I know and trust...NOT Emma) are going to Homecoming together. Things are copasetic in their friendship. It makes me admire the stuff out of which Eldest is made.

You can hear the but coming, can't you?

But as for Emma? I suspect that not all is alright. Twice this week our car alarm has gone off in the middle of the night. One time the police even came because of the alarm (that story is a whole other Oprah). This weekend, while we were out of town, someone used hot-pink silly string to write "Quit talking a..." on the windows of our mini-van sitting in the driveway. (The author of this message apparently ran out of silly string before she could finish. And it has to be a "she". No guy is going to use HOT PINK silly string.)

So, we've raised a girl with balls. The kind where she does what she thinks is right, regardless of cost. But I have a feeling that these are also some trouble-causing cajones.

Hopefully, this will all end soon. If not, I suppose I too will be calling Officer Howie. We know him pretty well as he was the DARE officer at our kids' grade school. He handled the case when Eldest was punched in grade school. Sounds like we live in a tough place, doesn't it? We don't.

Eldest assures me she'll just go talk to the counselor and it'll be taken care of. *sigh*

I think we need to work on ball-induced naivety, no?

Just how would you teach that lesson? Arrgh. This parenting stuff sucks sometimes.

It's a weed house.