circles again

At the time Dave was dying, I wrote about circles...themes in life. I'm experiencing one now.

Back in January an old friend and I met up for lunch after reconnecting on Facebook. It had been YEARS since we had talked...like 25 years...or more. But when we had lunch it was immediately easy and happy and lunch turned into an afternoon with wine and a snowstorm. It was all good.

Late in the afternoon she briefly met Sasquatch (grrr) and Eldest and laughed at me with my teenage-girl problems. (Her time is coming!)

When our family entered hell this past spring, I didn't share it with Old Friend. It was too personal and icky. I guess I preferred sharing it with complete strangers on the Internet...and a few trusted friends who read here.

But I'm now beginning to think that Old Friend's reappearance in my life was not all coincidence. Fate might play a small role here.

You see, Old Friend and I met at that awful age of (imagine dramatic music here)...Junior High. Yes, we were awful early-teens together. But we were great friends in those years.

Then something happened. And truthfully, I don't remember the details...banished from my mind, I suppose. But "X" happened and we stopped being so close in high school. Really, I can remember feeling embarrassed that I wasn't friendly with her any more. But, for the life of me, I don't remember the "why".

So when our friendship started up again, it felt good to know that the silly, petty, teenage-girl crapola can be forgotten. We can be adult and let those by-gones be gone.

Fast forward to our high school reunion last weekend. She came from the East Coast. We dined and partied together. She met Car-man. We had a good time.

On Friday night...she made a comment that raised a small moment of old guilt. Remember, I don't remember the "why". But she said something indicating forgiveness, which felt good, but left me uneasily thinking, "Oh God. Was I a horrible person?"

Anyhow, on Saturday evening, after many beverages, Old Friend and I got all talky. I revealed a bit of what went on with Eldest this spring. She was kind. It culminated in me saying, "Well, Eldest attempted suicide and was hospitalized." It's kind of a conversation bombshell, ya know?

Old Friend's face melted into this lovely, soft and sad smile and she said, "That's what happened to me too, you remember?" And, of course, I hadn't. Not until she said it. Then I remembered bits of it; but no details.

So there's my circle. I really can't doubt that Old Friend will help me understand Eldest even better. That ultimately, she'll be a source of strength for me. Because right now? Old Friend seems to be doing GREAT. She's got great kids. She's got a good long-term job. She's a wonderful lady. And I didn't have her marked in my head as "the girl who tried to commit suicide". That wasn't a tag I had permanently marked her with. So this history and her life, give me hope.

I'm sure that Eldest's road will be different than Old Friend's...Eldest is facing so many issues. But I'll take hope from any angle of approach.

Yes. It's a circle house.

Here's to circles.

And to old friends.

Sometimes they are the perfect NEW friends, too.